I sit here at the keyboard, fingers ready to strike the keys, not wanting to rehash this topic. Yet, apparently there is more to the story that needs to be told. More that I need to face. More that I need to turn over to God. More healing to be had.
The feelings of being unwanted affected many decisions I made throughout my adult life. For many years I was on a self-destructive path. Self-addictions and personal abuse dominated my life. There was such a void within me that I tried desperately to fill, yet telling myself of my unworthiness every step of the way.
Oh, I believed there was a God. I even knew a little bit about Him. So I thought. But, ultimately I believed that He wouldn't want such a damaged person as me. There was no possible way I could ever be good enough for Him. Honestly, I had no idea how to even approach God. So, I continued to live with the mind set that, "I'm not committing any crimes so I'm ok." I was self-sufficient, providing for my family, myself. Yet, I knew I still lacked something.
It took God a long time to break through the fortress I had built up around myself. There were times I was comfortable in my little walled in world. I didn't want to or couldn't believe that my past didn't matter. That the hurt could be healed.
With Jesus, the hurt can be healed. It's a long journey with many bends and potholes, because I resist. But God gently leads me every step of the way.
One day, there will be no more pain or hurt or sorrow or tears. Praise to Him today, This Day for His patience and love.
Peace and Joy,
Susan
8 comments:
Wonderful words of encouragement and beautiful testimony of our loving Savior. Blessings on your day.
A lovely testament to God's grace and goodness today.
Me too Susan... Amen... Thank You Jesus for showing me this today. In Your holy name, amen.
Funny how it's easy to understand "punishment" & "retribution", but so hard for us to wrap our brain around "Grace" and "Mercy".
thanks for the words of truth and encouragement
It really is hard to grasp how good God is. Mery and Grace are hard to understand because that is not how this world works. But thank God that His ways are highter than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. :)
It is only as we receive His uncondtional love that we can truly lived healed of all of our hurts this life has brought our way.
You are a beautiful woman and a gift from God to me. An inspiration to keep chipping away at my journey. Love you.
Susan! This post was great! I totally "get" where you are coming from! The first step God gave me in recognizing my self-built fortress was the NKJV of Psal 5:11-12. He told me HE defended me, He protects me. That was the link in the chains He is finally releasing me from. Most links in those chains were put there by my own hands. Thank you so much for sharing and stopping by my blog!
Chel
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