Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Throne Trip Tuesdays - 1/12/10


Welcome to Throne Trip Tuesdays. Tuesday is the day I reflect on what I have learned, what I am learning, or what I'm re-learning while visiting with God.

After a week long evaluation of my control issues of trying to help God do His job, I've learned two things: I have serious trust issues....and I have SERIOUS trust issues. When it comes to my feelings, my heart, what's on my mind.....I'm afraid, very afraid.

Most people who know me would scoff at that statement. Probably because I have this tough exterior that has been built up over the years. In most situations, that would be true. But when it comes to being able to share myself, I find it extremely difficult. Life experiences have a way of changing your perspective about yourself and about other people.

I was well into my adult years when Jesus and I came face-to-face. By that time, my perspective of people and my experiences of how people treated others, well, let's just say it made me who I am today. But God has seen something else.....someone else and He has been very patient yet diligent on transforming that scared girl into a warrior for the Kingdom.

The transformation has been slow and, at times, painful. But God desires an intimate relationship. In order for me to have that with Him, that hard exterior wall that took years to build up must now be torn down. So brick by brick and day by day, God rearranges my priorities and develops in me a listening heart. A heart that is softened and trusting in Him.

An intimate relationship with God is His highest priority for my life and I am determined to have that so through me He can impact the lives of others. Here am I, Lord.....use me.....send me, today, This Day.


Peace and Joy,
Susan


John 16:24 (NIV)  24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

4 comments:

Debbie said...

I love this post Susan! I am so with you on this one. Trust is hard especially if people have let you down in the past. We do build up walls of protection. I know I did. Stepping out in faith requires trust. But I'm finding that the Lord is trustworthy. It sounds like you are too.

Intimacy with the living God is amazing. I'm just learning more about this and desiring to grow. We can be on this journey together as we share on our blogs. Oh how I love when we can connect on issues like this and know we're not alone.

Let's encourage one another Susan.

Love and hugs,
Debbie

Jenny wren's nest said...

I have been a christian all my life and crave that intimatacy, but have walls that keep me from going to him. it is so good to know that god wont push, but is avalible any time I m willing.
Jenny

Mrs. Peterson's Place said...

Hugs to you.

eph2810 said...

I too have put my trust in people in the past. Some of the experiences were very painful and we do put a wall around us and let no one in -- not even God. I am thankful that He has broken down my wall and continues to work on me.

Thank you so much for sharing from your heart and being transparent.