Monday Musings - Six Days in Jail

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" she replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, "What is it?"

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Romans 15:7 (NIV)  Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

My "A-ha" Moment

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!  It's the shampoo I use in the shower!   When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,  FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!

Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead.. Their label reads,  DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.  Problem Solved!!! 

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. May you find humor in even the smallest events in your life. Have a fabulous week. 

Peace and Joy,

Susan

Psalm 119:114 (NKJV)  ¹¹⁴ You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word.

Monday Musings - Shark!

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.

As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.

As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."

Remember to always be thankful for even the smallest blessings. Thanks for stopping by. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,

Susan

Jeremiah 32:17 (NKJV) ‘Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You.

Monday Musings - Open Heart

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage.

"Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its' heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic.....

"Try doing it with the engine running."

I'm like that with God sometimes. I think I know the best way to do something. Or I take credit for a skill. I'm sure He laughs at me and shakes His head. It is my His mercy and grace that I am still breathing. What about you? Have you ever tried to help God? How did that work out for you? 


Peace and Joy,
Susan

Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NKJV) As you do not know what is the way of the wind, Or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, So you do not know the works of God who makes everything.

Monday Musings - Puppy

You read it right. The hubs and I are getting a dog. Well, actually a puppy. No. Not the cute little Yorkie I have been wanting. We're getting something bigger. A mutt.

He will look kinda like the picture. Except where this dog is tan our dog will be more dark gray. He's a "designer" breed. ahaha. Cross between an American Pit Bull Terrier and a Lab.

OK...so the hubs isn't going for the "Hatchet" name I wanted for my Yorkie. (Yes, I wanted to name my Yorkie male "Hatchet" and my Yorkie female "Molly." I'm kinda warped that way.)

In my previous life when I was kidnapped by aliens, I owned a pair of Australian Shepherds. They were brother and sister. I named them Roy and Dale. I miss them. It has been over 10 years since I've had a dog.

Anywhoo, wanna help name our pup? Here's your chance. We have three or four names we kinda like, but nothing really stands out at this point.

Editors Note: For names, this pup is a male. 

Brainstorm. We're wanting something that fits "us." You know. Motorcycles. Law Enforcement. Military. Craziness. Help us out. There may be a prize if we choose Your name.

Can't wait to hear your comments about this.....and the names you come up with.

Thanks for stopping by and visiting.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Jeremiah 17:7 (NKJV) “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD.    

Monday Musings - Fishing Mirror

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

2 Peter 1:5-7 (NKJV) ⁵ But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, ⁶ to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, ⁷ to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.

Monday Musings - Spring

That's right. Spring. It's just around the corner.

Yep, it's a groaner. But I thought it was funny. Hope you do too. Have a great week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Isaiah 25:1 (NKJV) O LORD, You are my God. I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, For You have done wonderful things; Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.

Monday Musings - Artists + Wire = ??

A little something to bring a smile to your face and start your week with a laugh.

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,

Susan

Job 8:21 (NKJV)  He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, And your lips with rejoicing.

Monday Musings - Honest Abe

I'm honoring President's Day. This illustrates honesty and conscience:

It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows:


"You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I'd be up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud."
 
Thanks for stopping by and visiting. Have a great day.
 
Peace and Joy,
Susan
 
2 Kings 12:15 (NIV, ©2010) They did not require an accounting from those to whom they gave the money to pay the workers, because they acted with complete honesty.

Monday Musings - Two Feet of Snow

Some of you have much more than two feet of snow over the past few weeks. Several of you have endured what many are calling the snowmageddon. Even in the south, there has been snow. Here is what two feet of snow looks like in my neck of the woods:

ahahaha! Sorry. I couldn't pass it up. Thanks for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Psalm 126:2 (NKJV) Then our mouth was filled with laughter, And our tongue with singing. Then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.”

Monday Musings - The New Librarian

The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "contract" for returning the books on time.

Her first customer was a 2nd grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as was the custom.

The new librarian pushed the books back, smiled, and told him to sign them out. The boy carefully printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the new librarian could even start her speech he said scornfully, "At least that other librarian we had could write."

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Psalm 86:5 (NIV)  You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.

Monday Musings - Health Care Meets TSA

Airport Security full body scans and enhanced pat downs have become quite a hot topic. So has the health care law passed by our government. Here's a great compromise and an excellent use of resources.

AHAHAHAHA! Sorry. This showed up in my inbox this morning, and I couldn't pass up sharing it. Have a great week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Matthew 2:4-6 (NKJV) ⁴ And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. ⁵ So they said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for thus it is written by the prophet: ⁶ ‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, Are not the least among the rulers of Judah; For out of you shall come a Ruler Who will shepherd My people Israel.’”

Monday Musings - Turkey Talk

Thanks for stopping by and visiting. Have a blessed week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

1 Corinthians 1:4-5 (NIV) I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. ⁵ For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge—

Monday Musings - Corn Maze

The corn maze craze is everywhere! Have you seen them? Been to any? They seem to get more complex with each passing year. 

Here's one that very few will be able to solve: 

Thank you for stopping by and visiting. Have a blessed week.


Peace and Joy,
Susan

Ephesians 1:18 (NKJV) the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,

Monday Musings - Animal Crackers

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his Mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."


Thanks for stopping by and visiting today. 


Peace and Joy,
Susan

1 Chronicles 16:27 (NIV)  Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place.

Monday Musings - Census Taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."

Peace and Joy,

Susan

Job 8:21 (NIV)  He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

Monday Musings - Everybody Needs a Break

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.  He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.   This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'  

Thanks for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Psalm 33:20 (NKJV)  Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.

Monday Musings - Men Can Fix Anything

Here are just a few snapshots of the ingenuity of men:

My hubby's comment on seeing this next one? "I've seen that!"

Ha! Maybe he's the one who did this! lol
The guys who came up with these solutions are smart.

The guys who came up with these are not!!!

Thanks for stopping by and visiting. Have a fabulous week.

Peace and Joy,
Susan

Psalm 122:7 (NIV)  May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.

How to Clean the House and Giveaway Reminder

1.  Open a new file in your PC.. 
 
2.  Name it 'Housework.'

3.  Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4.  Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5.  Your PC will ask you,  'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'

6.  Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly...

7.  Feel better? I sure do!

                Works for me!
  
Don't forget about my giveaway of a $40 gift code from CSN stores. Enter by commenting HERE. 

Peace and Joy,
Susan

1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)  Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

Monday Musings - Bucket Seat

 ...or how many people can you get on one motorcycle? ahahaha
Peace and Joy,
Susan

Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV) You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.